Sleep

I will admit I was a touch over-confident about my ability to deal with midnight feeds, early morning feeds, lunch feeds, afternoon feeds, changing, bathing, washing (well you get the idea) and sleep deprivation. Citing my previous experience hand-raising orphaned animals, and my habitual insomnia I actually said "Missing out on sleep won't be a big deal for me".

Cue the derisive laughter - I deserve it.

I was told many things by other mothers, here are a few samples: (and in italics, the things I thought in response but did not say)

"I haven't slept properly in five years!"
That's terrible, but also marginally unbelievable. If you are telling the truth perhaps you should have considered what having children close together would actually BE like before just diving right in for the next one...

"My baby slept through from her first night and continued to do so"
RUBBISH

"Get as much sleep as you can now, you'll need it"
Sure, because sleep is something you can store up for a 'rainy day' - moron.

"Babies are the death of sex as well, you'll be too tired and only want to sleep"
Liar! you have three kids so you obviously did it again at LEAST twice after baby #1, and if you always want to pick sleep over sex, you're doing it wrong.

Nevertheless, here I am thinking being up all night won't be too bad, as that is what I'm used to - even having a full time job I've dealt with insomnia and managed (what I thought) was a passable performance at that job.

Nothing prepared me for the all encompassing zombie-dom that ensues. Condescending "advice" from other mothers never quite delved into the weariness that penetrated into my bones, and the absolute certainty that I was unable to cope with what was happening and what I needed to do. The dawning realisation that the days were as difficult as the nights was also mildly horrifying. Helpful comments such as "I know what you're going through, and I promise it does get better, they do sleep more" just enraged me. What I needed was rest, not platitudes, someone to offer to take the baby for one night (or day) so I could just sleep!

Emerging out of that tunnel was the biggest relief of my life to date. When that little boy started sleeping from 10pm to 5am I felt as though I'd hit the jackpot. It turned out those well-meaning advisors were right, things did indeed improve eventually. Unfortunately when I was in it I wanted an immediate fix - and patience not being amongst my virtues, having to just weather those first few months really did make me despair that anything other than that routine would become the norm.

One thing I have observed amongst the SMs (that's Smug Mothers for those who have not read my first post) is that they seem to either overstate their child's sleeping habits, or take credit for them if they are good. I do concede that establishing a routine seems to be the way to go with this, but when I complain of my child's intransigence when it comes to his morning or afternoon nap, SM will expound her own methods of getting her child to sleep, whilst at the same time implying that I am either doing the wrong thing completely in my attempts to settle my baby, or, if my method happens to be the same as hers, I am not executing it correctly. She will then 'helpfully' give me 'tips' whilst I zone her out completely and start daydreaming about that shower I'm going to have later - maybe even shampoo my hair. Ahhhhhhhhhh.

The reality that I have discovered (and I really believe that it is different for each baby - unhelpful, but I have no pretences to writing a 'Mothering Advice Blog') is that my son will some days skip either one or both of the daytime naps he is 'supposed' to be getting. Skipping his morning nap will usually result in him passing out completely after he has had his lunch and a drink, and skipping his afternoon nap makes him scream from about 3:30pm right up until 5pm when I finally give up and jam that bottle into his mouth. When he skips both it is horrendous, and it gets to the point where I just look at him, completely exhausted, and ask him what he needs. He will either giggle or cry, and on those days, once he has finally had his bottle and crashed (there is no other word for it, even the phrase 'passed out' does not accurately describe the rapid descent into sleep a day of no naps will occasion) I will open a beer/cider/bottle of wine/bottle of whiskey (really whatever is handy) survey the wreckage that is my house and wish my life were different.

Sleep and babies evolve together I think. My son is almost eleven months old, and after spending the last few months sleeping the whole night through we are back to once or twice a night wake ups thanks to the vagaries of teething. I can only comfort myself by acknowledging this is just another phase, realising that he does not do it on purpose is key, and I don't really care what all the advice columns/articles/blogs/books tell me to do. When it is 1am and my child is screaming with pain, I will pick him up, cuddle him, give him Panadol, apply the topical gel straight to his gums, and make up 120mls of formula so he can comfort feed his way back to sleep while we rock in the chair together. Platitudes about 'self-soothing' be damned, if he's in pain all attempts at making him try and 'self-soothe' are worthless.

When it comes to sleep, my baby, and me (and my husband) I will do whatever works for us. And since the little cherub has decided to have his morning nap today (giving me time to finish this post) I am going to take myself off to bed with a book - washing up be damned!