Bad Days

So one of my major issues with all of the SMs out there is that they completely deny the existence of Bad Days. Conversely, if an SM deigns to admit to having a Bad Day with her baby, she will then declare that "the good days make up for the bad".

Sorry ladies, not for me they don't. Babies are nothing if not changeable creatures, and unfortunately my young man's Bad Days are very bad, and currently outnumbering his good days.
Note to Husbands: Point out that the child is behaving well on the weekend while you are present at your peril - that is purely because there are now two of you to entertain the little sod.

I will now list the behaviours that I'm sure lots of other Mums have encountered, that I find really difficult to cope with, and that make me thankful my baby is in fact, quite cute.
Side note: I am aware lists are lazy writing, such is life after an horrific day with an eleven month old.

1. Suddenly deciding that the food he has previously ravenously consumed just doesn't cut the mustard anymore, and demonstrating this with a full blown tantrum (screaming, tears, batting away the spoon, smearing food everywhere, choking on food, spitting food at me).

2. Not wanting to go to sleep, and working himself up to the point where NOTHING calms him down. And I do mean NOTHING.

3. Discovering that he can undo his nappy, and then proceeding to smear the contents of said nappy all over himself.

4. Deciding that there is no better way to pass the time than scream, loudly, piercingly, and for no apparent reason.

5. Throwing everything within his reach at me, and then screaming when I refuse to return said items and be pelted again.

So now that I look at it, the list isn't actually that long (or perhaps I am just too tired to accurately remember anything else). Nevertheless, those are the times where I do wonder if there's somewhere I could leave him, just for a week or so to recover some of my equilibrium. I am always amused when friends without babies say they would take him, and if I thought they meant it I would gladly hand him over. Unfortunately I know I would receive the inevitable "please come and take possession of your demon child" call within twenty four hours.
Friends with children don't make that offer, and that's because they KNOW. They are aware that the relative cuteness of a miniature cherubic looking person does not balance the equation when said cherub transforms to 'He Who Shall Not Be Consoled', and while they sympathise, they are too busy dealing with their own tiny terrorist/s to want to relieve me of mine.
SM will pipe in with her usual platitudes and unwanted 'advice' but she will not offer to look after him for me either, convinced that these very normal tired, cranky baby behaviours are undoubtedly the fault of my sub-par parenting. SM will also tell herself that her baby having tantrums is just 'high spirits' indicating her child's either above average intellect or artistic bent. Were I foolish enough to voice my wish to temporarily rid myself of my child to SM, she would gasp with outrage before deciding that I am a Bad Mother or suffering from Post Natal Depression, or both. SM you see, knows all, not just about babies, toddlers and their development, but she will hold forth about how Mothers should feel, behave and react to their offspring.

Well fine, this 'Bad Mother' is contemplating posting an eBay ad: One eleven month old male baby. Slightly used condition, some teething, but otherwise aesthetically pleasing. Bid now or all offers considered.