Children Out & About

I commence today’s post with an apology for having shamefully neglected this blog and all seven of my readers…

I can only plead the baby as an excuse, and undertake a more realistic goal of one to two entries a week. With this in mind I will do my best to ensure they are longer, funnier, and more insightful – yes quality over quantity is what I’m going for now at BrutallyHonestMum (for those of you who have interpreted this as justifying less work – well you may be quite right). Now, onto today’s topic:

Disclaimer: with the exception of a very few, the only child I like at all is my own, and bearing that in mind, I feel that having had a child I am marginally more sympathetic to other parents, but still not very patient with random, ill mannered, badly behaved spawn.

During my hiatus from actually writing anything, I have noticed quite a discussion going on in the media and online regarding children and whether or not it is acceptable to bring them out for meals, and further to that, where they should or should not be welcomed.

The two sides to this debate seem to be as follows: The restaurant and café owners and patrons who would prefer the tiny humans did not defile their premises/precious relaxation time, and the parents of said tiny humans who wish to try and undertake something resembling their prior normal life while raising a baby. Both sides present valid points but seem either unwilling or unable to even attempt to understand each other.

While I don’t believe a segregation of those with children from those who are happily child free is a solution, surely somewhere within that extreme is some kind of acceptable middle ground. I have certainly spent the last eleven and a half months trying to find it, and will now share the parameters we go by when considering dining out with our tiny monster – ahem, human.

First I consider where we are planning to go – have we seen children there before, will they provide a high chair if asked (always a good indicator), and what is the general atmosphere like (for instance a noisy bustling venue is hardly likely to be disturbed by a baby enthusiastically slapping the table). My next question to myself will be whether or not it is an appropriate venue for a baby or children full stop. A pub with an outdoor dining area, beer garden or bistro at lunchtime, yes. A fine dining or hatted restaurant at any time of the day – no. A coffee shop for breakfast – yes. And so on. Another thing that must always be considered (in my eyes at least) is the current mood of the blessed child. Is he hungry/tired/cranky/teething – any of these answered with a yes will generally result in the cancelling of said outing, as all of them will probably end in a tantrum right as your meals arrive, and really, if I don’t like him when he’s chucking a wobbly, I do not expect other people who are not his parents to be any more indulgent. On the other hand, when our little cherub is turning on the charm, boy is he good. Cooing at pretty waitresses, drinking his juice and eating his fruit, happily burbling away at Mummy and Daddy and trying ALL of the food. We have been complimented more than once on our little one’s public behaviour, and believe me, he shall continue as he has started. Conversely, the couple of times he has started to act up, we have packed him up and taken him home. I say again, if I don’t like him when he’s misbehaving, why should that be inflicted on unsuspecting fellow patrons?

It would seem that it really is down the parents to exert a level of control and commonsense that would negate maybe not all but a large degree of the complaints currently circulating. I read an article which described a two year old’s spectacular tantrum in the author’s regular coffee haunt, and the parent’s apparent lack of concern and or intervention. When the author mentioned something to his waitress, he was told that although they would like to say something, they dare not for fear of giving offence. The author then decided to say something (contrary to the pleas of his partner) and was treated to a level of abuse that to me seemed excessive. He was accused of intentionally ruining the family’s breakfast, being wilfully anti-child, and finally, judging where he had no right to. All of this was conveyed using very colourful language that I will not repeat here and the point was driven home by the father of the child then giving the author the finger as he exited the café after his wife and child.

As our baby is not yet two perhaps I am in no position to comment on this particular instance, but I do feel the parents were at fault here by failing to attempt either to placate or calm the child, and then reacting with such aggression when they were asked to. They were not asked to leave, just whether or not there was something that could be done to make their daughter happier at that current moment. And yes, I hear you laughing, thinking to yourself “just you wait until your child is two” but I reiterate that I would try to calm him down, and if that failed, leave. All of my own accord. To me that just seems like common courtesy and consideration of my fellow diners.

Having grown up in a household where we were often taken to meals as children, I intend to continue that with my son. He will also learn what we learnt. That nothing short of perfect manners and behaviour are acceptable when in public (and at home too, for that matter) and anything less will result in punishment of some kind. Obviously babies and maybe even some two year olds are unable to understand the concept of consequences, and in those cases perhaps those without children could take a calming breath and acknowledge just how difficult this business of raising them actually is, and the parents concerned could be equally aware of where they take their little bundles, and admit to themselves that perhaps their ‘old life’ is past tense for a reason.

 

But please don’t jump to the conclusion that I am completely lacking sympathy either. I am aware of the effort involved in getting yourself out and about with the addition of a tiny human. As a‘Stay-At-Home-Mum-Under-Protest’ I absolutely feel the lack of what seems like any kind of social life or freedom. As I type this I am currently ensconced in the corner of my favourite local bistro, enjoying lunch and a glass of wine while my husband tackles the grocery shopping with the baby (only three text queries so far – he’s doing well). And while we have previously brought the child to this particular venue, it is much nicer without his presence. To those Mums who manage to make the effort to get dressed, showered, and out for a meal or coffee with their baby, you’ll get no censure from me, and to parents out on the weekend with their child or children, just be mindful that not everybody shares the same view of your beloved baby/child/spawn and that is not a personal attack on you and your life choices, just a differing opinion, no less valid than your own.